| Hi my name is Jesse and I'm a drama queen... |
[Sep. 6th, 2006|11:54 am] |
| [ | Current Location |
| | leather couch!! | ] |
| [ | mood |
| |  accomplished | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Goldfinger...and Full House | ] |
Heyowdy,
So I'm a little dramatic. I feel really useful and efficient though lately, I mean all my physics is done, my bio notes are typed my stats are done I've worked out everyday...I just feel good!! Oh and I just cleaned the kitchen and started laundry (because my last clean pair of undies is on my butt!!)
So this weekend...it was ok. I mean it was really awesome hanging out with Kacie I haven't seen her in like a month, and I missed her and we bonded for the first time in a long time. Kacie and I can't do the internet or the telephone we only do in person. So it was awesome to see her, I really wasn't in the mood for friends though so I was a little dull with Christina on Saturday and Sunday (sorry nugs). So Kristen showed up in Berkeley and wanted to go to a party so Xtina took us over to Cloyne where Lindsey and Kristen and Franesca could get their dance on, then Christina and I got a little into it, then some Australian guy kept hitting on me and it was annoying and Kristen told him I had gotten my heart broken (thanks for making me look vulnerable) because everyone knows a drunk guy isgoing to take advantage of that. And I just wanted to leave as I did the next morning when KC and I went to breakfast. So I came home and went against everyone and called Sean, who didn't answer, but called me back. We talked I told him about my weekend and about the guy and Kristen and stuff. He asked if I wanted to see him that night I said sure only if you want to see me and he said yes. So around 8:30 he came over to my house and we had some small talk for a few min and then he gave me a hug and said bring it in for the real thing. Then he kissed my head and apologized for hurting me. Then he asked if he could kiss me and I nodded and then we went and sat down and talked.
He was stressed out because of how needy I was this summer, and how he knew that if I was that needy all semester he was going to feel guilty for not being wth me every spare moment he had. But he needs time to himself too. And I said I knew that and I had a horrible summer where I spent almost all my time alone and it sucked and I was really needy but now I actually have stuff to do so being by myself isnt so hard and he shouldnt feel guilty, and we talked about trust etc. And now we are happy, yesterday he called and left a message saying he missed me, which is the first time in awhile he's done that, so that felt good. I know he is happier this way, and I'm sure we will hit a balance really really soon when it comes to this. I just really do love him to itsy bitsy pieces.
So now that that is in order I feel 2000 times better. Now I can actually focus on school and getting in shape and all the stuff I want to do, while still having my boyfriend at the end of the day. I haven't told my family yet, because im afraid they'll have some harsh judgement against him for this. But our big break was 5 days...haha.
Anyway I have to change for physics class pretty soon.
Peace out playaz! |
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| Wow It's been awhile! |
[Aug. 26th, 2006|01:11 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  chipper | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Social Distortion- Live Before you Die | ] |
Um, Ya Wow it has been so long since I have been on this thing, I remember feeling as though all my entries were lame, but a year and a half later as I read them, I realize I had some intelligent thoughts and true feelings and also how much happier I am now. I guess college really isn't all that exciting still I'm more excited about what comes afterwords, a real life, not dictated by a school schedule and when there's time to do laundry, but figuring out what I want to do.
So where to start, college is ok I'm a big sophmore now...and I hope to transfer next year. I am four days away from the year anniversary with my boyfriend. In case you didn't know his names Sean and hes 24 and although some moments have been hard with my family and my sister Kirsten, he really is an amazing person who has been worth all the crappy times. Lets just say no one was too happy about it when it all started, and it was hard to juggle my family and him at the same time, but like I said, its been worth it. I moved out which took a lot of the intenseness away, but I think my parents might see it as a personal failure, but if anyone in my family actually bothered to meet Sean they'd probably realize that I'm not an idiot and although hes a big buff meathead, with a receding hairline, hes an amazing person who really cares about me and has taught me a lot about life and growing up.
I of course don't need to him to define me, and a lot of the last year has been figuring myself out and who I am. I found out I haven't really changed much from high school, I'm the same quarky, talkative, bitter, silly, annoying, crazy, humorous person I've always been.
I miss Christina but realize we'll be friends forever really, and I have new friends now, but only 2 worth mentioning and one I already did, so Kristen is next. She is absolutely amazing I've never known someone who has gone through so much crap and has come out so strong on the other end, because if I were put in any of her situations I would've just given up by now. Anyway I have been invited to go to New York with her and some of her friends for New Years which would be awesome if I had enough money to swing gas, and food, apparently we're staying with people they know in every place we're stopping. Well I was supposed to shower foreverago and my laundry is almost done.
Just thought I would throw out a reflective update. And that picture of me as the icon is so great I love it. |
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| Um |
[Jul. 24th, 2005|01:41 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  indescribable | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Pennywise: Society | ] |
Thought I would update.... |
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| Oh how the years go by |
[Jul. 4th, 2005|01:07 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  sick | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Pearl Jam- Last Kiss | ] |
I have that stupid song from foreverago stuck in my head...oh how the years go by oh how the something somethingness that I now can't remember. I am tired, but my throat also hurts and my head and my nose is really stuffy so I know it will just be a miserable experience. Everytime I have slept today I wake up feeling worse. Yup, that's right, I am sick, how I got sick I am not sure, probably something to do with no sleep, hating food, hanging out in the cold at night, and my mom being sick a week ago, all combined together to make me sick and miserable.
So my fourth of July will be spent sitting home alone watching tv and wishing I had enough energy to shower because I smell. Hahaha I'm sure you wanted to know that.
On another note....nope that's it that was all there was to tell about my life.
Most of the time I update this thing because I feel as though I have to, cuz when other people don't update theirs I get bored, so I update mine hoping the karma will come back to me and they will too update theirs so I can see it.
Oh I got new icons but I couldnt get the dimensions just right so they're both smaller than they should be, therefore, they are blurry. Poopy, but if you want a kodak gallery invite to see all of my albums then just ask for it and I will send it.
Ya......cluster is a good word. |
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| Dude |
[Jul. 2nd, 2005|01:28 am] |
Road trip was pretty damn fun, can't wait to hang out with Katie and Courtney again, I hope they want to go back again sometime soon cuz we had way too much fun and I think we could have it again.
I love Brett the best Denny's waiter in the world and my future husband.
Skimboarding is a lot harder than it looks, I don't want to talk about it.
I actually got a tan.
That's a summary of my trip!! If you want to know more....just ask. |
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| Kelly Clarkson and Intense Wind |
[Jun. 27th, 2005|03:01 pm] |
The Irish Bloodhounds have now entered the unknown....also known as....San Luis Obispo the ol' folks town. There was a girl that was just here, its crazy,someone that Courtney knows. Anyway so we totally have a lap top and internet connection and such obviously Katie is sleeping Courtney went on a long bike ride and Christine and I set up a nice tent for her in the back, but now I want to be part of the racecaring behind me. Cuz it looks like fun OH WE'RE GONNA TIME IT!!!!
I'll post later, we're videoing our whole trip so I'm sure you'll get to see it!!!! |
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| I <3 Fudge |
[Jun. 26th, 2005|01:32 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  tired | ] |
| [ | music |
| | ah yes music, let me turn that on... | ] |
| How to make a rinkydinkydink |
Ingredients:
3 parts anger
5 parts brilliance
1 part energy |
Method:
Add to a cocktail shaker and mix vigorously. Add a little lustfulness if desired! |
Personality cocktailFrom Go-Quiz.comWow that quiz actually seemed incredibly accurate, I'm angry, brilliant, AND energetic, thats hardcore. So my party was so good. My drum teacher called today for directions and I had to call back saying...uh the party was yesterday, he was sad. I'm not gonna say much more about the party cuz I am too lazy right now. I hope the road trip happens tomorrow = ( Stupid Katie. BYe NoW how lame caps and lower cases....so lame.....too much energy for so much lameness |
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| Amusement |
[Jun. 24th, 2005|11:43 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | indescribable | ] |
| [ | music |
| | I'm too lazy to put some on | ] |
| J | Judicial | | E | Easy | | S | Silly | | S | Smooth | | E | Explosive |
Name Acronym Generator
From Go-Quiz.com
hahahaha
Ew I don't like the result to that quiz
LOOK OUT!
ïòð | | rinkydinkydink is a radioactive squirrel!! |
From Go-Quiz.com
k that's damn awesome
| Your Icecream Flavour is...Neopolitan! |
 You aren't satisfied with just one flavor. They say variety is the spice of life and this shines through in your Ice cream of choice! Just don't eat all the chocolate and leave the strawberry and vanilla behind! |
What is your Icecream Flavour?
Find out at Go Quiz
This is addicting
K too many pop ups.......I saw the village people tonight at the fair, i found out i've been doing the YMCA wrong all along, my parties tomorrow woop woop and....we saw mr backman ah
Ok that is all
bye now |
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| If only if only.. |
[Jun. 23rd, 2005|01:25 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | hahahaha | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Billy Shakespeare wrote a whole bunch of sonnets | ] |
Hey,
It's been awhile since I've updated and I have to be honest...nothings really happened. I went and saw Smash Mouth yesterday with my dad, Kirsten and Christina...and although it was against my will it was very amusing. Christina and I fell in love with the percussionist...he was so cute and he had this awesome little dance and these cool shades. I wanted to point at him till he was like what why are those two girls pointing at me, then I was gonna make a gesture, that I am not sure what it would've been of, probably something lame like a thumbs up or an I love you...eh who knows.
Anywho, afterwords Xtina and I went and got greasy food from Lyons and the waiter was messing with our minds, but he smelled nice so all was right in the world.
My party is on Saturday I'm kind of excited...everyone reading is invited!! If you don't know where I live so you can't come to my grad party, then you probably shouldn't come because...then I most likely don't know you. Anyways Saturday, starts at 1 and there will be a bounce house on my lawn all night long, so come by whenever, and hey you can just stay out front with the bounce house and not have to meet my family or say hi to me...though I would feel so used.
On Sunday I have to pack for the road trip and find a swim suit and hopefully a skim board! Then Monday at 5:30 we'll be on the road!!! WOOHOO I'll be back friday the 1st, then on the 2nd it's all about the warped tour, on the 4th it's all about Lake Barryessa, then on the 8th, its all about my Mom's birthday. So now I just need to find stuff to do in between hehe yay!
Well, now my journal has been updated and I can once again ignore it for another week, because I can.
OH WAIT! Christine's party!!! It was totally rockin' and I totally sang sooooo many songs on Karaoke...including My Sharona, what a dirty song that one is hehehe. But don't worry I didn't sing alone, I am aware of the fact that I have no singing skills. I was alone for a few seconds because Gum sucks and walked away from me in my time of need, but then Christina picked up the slack. Thanks nugs.
BYE NOW |
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| Old Ladies and Strawberry Mike and Ikes |
[Jun. 16th, 2005|12:47 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | mellow | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Silence | ] |
So it is....12:48 on Thursday and here I am...babysitting my great grandma. Sounds a little twisted, maybe i should call it great grandma sitting...but anywho I had to drive my grandma to San Rafael to meet up with my dad to go to a funeral, but then I had to come back here, well my grandma is in the bathroom, I have been home about 10 min and she still hasn't come out...but I can hear her grunting so something must be going on hahahaha.
So I am sitting here eating Mike and Ikes on my grandma's computer...did you know they made strawberry flavored....they're super gross don't even try them, I thought they would get better the more I ate, but they actually have gotten worse, I'm on my fourth one.
I am going on a road trip with Christine, Katie, and Courtney, not only do all their names start with the "k" sound, but they're also family. I am the odd one out...not only a "j" but not family, but I am Irish...so IRISH BLOODHOUNDS 4 LIFE!!! Anyway, we're gonna make a documentary on our road trip and we're gonna stay at Christine and Katie's parents' house without the parents, and we're pretty much gonna go to a lot of beaches...haha cuz Courtney is only 15 so its pretty much what her dad says is ok.
Yay the toilet flushed...now to help her back to her chair, this should be fun.
Wow, its been an hour, I got her back to her chair then she wanted to talk then my cousin stopped by for some lunch, then I had to make my great grandma her lunch and then the cat wanted to come in then go out and it was annoying, and now I am back here. Well, only an hour left till I go to drums and my mom comes to take over.
Well, anyway, this is a really long and really pointless entry so have fun reading it all you suckers. |
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| Expectations only lead to disappointments |
[Jun. 15th, 2005|01:51 am] |
| [ | mood |
| | not good | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Always and Forever- Heatwave | ] |
I could say I am looking forward to college, but that'd be a lie. I could say that I can't wait to party all summer long, but that'd be a lie. I could say that I am really happy and satisfied, but that too would be a lie.
To be completely honest, I have no damn idea what I am doing. I feel really alone, and I can't tell if I like it, or if I am sad about it, or maybe that I like it and feel sad about it only because I feel as though I should feel sad. I don't know. I am trapped in my own mind and I have become my only friend and my only enemy, it's weird and I can't even explain it.
I couldnt even tell you why I am writing this on livejournal of all places, as if anyone cares and all I am gonna get is remarks about how emo I am. Who cares.
To me, college is gonna be just like high school, except no parents to care anymore and I really don't even care. I am just gonna do well, and get the hell out. Sure, I know what you're thinking geez Jesse, cant you be a little optimistic or hopeful for once...but who the hell cares, it's not about the journey for me, I just wanna get to my destination. I am not gonna spend the whole summer lying to myself that college is gonna be so wonderful and that I am going to completely change when I get there, I will no longer be the opinionated, sad, angry, bitter person that I am right now, I most likely will become worse.
I have had enough, I am about to snap. I should just go to bed.
Later |
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| Dudebucket |
[Jun. 9th, 2005|11:15 am] |
| [ | mood |
| | chipper | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Good Riddance- Holding on | ] |
Man, saw Pepper last night and aside from a few things, like the entire 2004 graduating class of SV being there, hurting my heel really badly, and some weird creepy guy....it rocked, just plain old rocked. Mmmm, dancing to Pepper, good times. But now, I am hungry and should practice drums before my lesson = (
Later |
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| My second day of summer |
[Jun. 7th, 2005|10:53 am] |
| [ | mood |
| | accomplished | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Bored with the USA- The Clash | ] |
Yo,
So I have officially graduated, I have a diploma and everything. HOw cool for me. Go see Lords of Dogtown, so lame but sooooo satisfying. Ummm, what now, OH I think I am going to apply for a second job, otherwise I'll be bored all summer long with nothing to do and no money to be had. What next?...
I went to this grad night thing, and I won an Ipod mini, how awesome is that? very awesome, I won an Ipod shuffle too, but I could only win once, so I kept the Ipod mini, obviously cuz it's better.
Kumon today...yay.....except not. Pepper tomorrow! yay!!!!! Finally!
Honestly, I have nothing to say.
HOLLA "Sinae did you write hola with two L's?" Oh, Christina, you're so yah |
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| HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA high school... |
[Jun. 3rd, 2005|11:42 am] |
| [ | mood |
| | excited | ] |
| [ | music |
| | pool pump | ] |
I am forever done with high school. No more AP Physics, AP Chem, AP Mod Lit, or Hon Precalc, no more Econ, no more Gov't, no more Expos, and above all, no more lameness. I am free and now I am going to go well actually I am going to watch some TV before going to Kumon (talk about a real downer) but afterwards...I am going to celebrate.
HAHAHA IM DONE WITH HIGH SCHOOL |
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| Pardon me while I burst |
[May. 16th, 2005|11:36 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | depressed | ] |
| [ | music |
| | John Mayer- Back to you (i know you're laughing, whats new) | ] |
I could tell you entire stories of my weekend and of my life, but I don't really feel like remembering any of it, I feel like complete and total shit. No, I don't really want to talk about it. Yes, I am a little dramatic, but what means nothing to one person means a lot to another. I shouldn't read into things, or ever put myself on the line, everytime I have, I find myself hurt.
And the whole world continues to laugh in my face, as I mess up over and over again. I need to distance myself from this life I have made, I hate it and I feel lost, I thought I knew where I was and who I was, but it's all slowly crashing down in front of my face, and it's like my feet are glued to the ground, I don't want it to be the way it was or has been, I want something more. What more you ask? Your guess is as good as mine. |
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| and please dont let me go.. |
[May. 11th, 2005|11:24 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  blank | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Pepper: B.O.O.T | ] |
I feel like I am on the edge of a cliff teetering between reality and fantasy, I need someone to save me, but who? |
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| But all you want is to complain |
[May. 10th, 2005|11:31 am] |
| [ | mood |
| | i'm just thinkin | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Pepper: Give it up | ] |
Howdy,
Woohoo AP testing is done! I only wish I would have done better, woulda shoulda coulda I spend my entire life in one of those states. That's ok school is almost over and I will never have to voluntarily see anyone I have had to for the last 12 years, that makes me feel great.
We get to go to Disneyland, but I get super sick on buses, little did I know I wasn't going to be able to take my headphones with me, no no, I'll have to sit and watch movies, I'll just take a Unisom and sleep the whole way I think, to prevent extreme sickness.
I really dig this band Pepper, I just heard about them, and the singer sounds so much like Bradley Nowell is creepy, but man I went to their site just to see what the band was like and they're playing at the mystic on Wed. June 8th! A graduation present to myself, I think I will go.
Um I am so indecisive it makes me sick, I always make fun of Kacie for being indecisive, but right now I am exhibiting similiar behavior...sad.
Maybe I should go to bed...we'll see. Know what, no matter what, even when you have what you want, you're never satisfied. It's so sad, we spend our whole lives striving for something that will make us truly happy, for most of us it is some sort of material posession or power, and most dont even make it, and others do and realize its not really what they wanted. I hope I don't live my life that way...I want to realize what I have to be happy about, not what I want that will make me happy.
Ok, that is all... |
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| Hairball Bowling |
[May. 9th, 2005|12:12 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  awake | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Name Taken: We give up sometimes | ] |
Tomorrow morning I must sit through another dreaded 3.5 hour exam testing my ability in chemistry. One would think I should be sleeping, but for someone who was going to take an hour nap and happened to shut off her alarm and sleep for 4 hours, sleep does not sound too appealing. However, boredom fills my stomach and consumes my mind with unpleasing thoughts of my future, I find myself staring with my mouth wide open and eyes glazed over.
I methodically click the mouse playing a bowling game called "Hairball Bowling" it has slowly numbed my entire body and my brain now feels like complete mush. I try to pry myself away by updating this journal, but I have spent the last 20 min ignoring this update and playing the dumb game.
This is where I draw the line, I am going to bed, where I will continue to sit and stare, but at least I won't be watching a cat, throw a bowling ball at 8 lined up pelicans, as another cat tells me how much I suck at the game.
"Well I've been sitting, wishing, waiting..." J Johnson
I think I need a new icon. |
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| Prom dresses are in fact that devil.... |
[May. 8th, 2005|11:26 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  stressed | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Greg Kihn Band: Madison Avenue | ] |
How did I get sucked into prom? Ah, I'm kind of excited, the only thing holding me back is this whole dress situation. I hate everything because I look demented in prom dresses. I'm a casual clothes girl, I look cute in casual clothes, or skirts, I can even pull off knee length skirts, but dresses are a big no for me, I look like a wide idiot. I HATE IT SO MUCH!!!!!!!!!
Oh, well, right, oh well. ugh too much pressure. But, otherwise I am kind of excited to hang out with my friend for the night, we hung out this saturday night and it was pretty cool, so now I don't have to worry about extreme awkwardness when I don't have anyone to dance with or to talk to, because I will have someone who must hang out with me HAHAHAHA sucker.
Let's see, oh if you're into scary movies don't see the Amityville Horror cuz its not scary and I get scared really really really really easily.
What else you ask? I should be doing precalc right now, but instead I'm procrastinating.
Oh, our film played at the film festival...so embarassing I can't believe it, I'm embarassed to go to school tomorrow.
Oh and this chick at my school is talking crap about me cuz my date for prom is her xbf....I don't really have any strong feelings about this, I don't like people hating me for stupid immature reasons though, dont take your unresolved issues out on me.
Ok, with that I leave because I hate this stupid journal and everything I write in it.
"Uninvited feelings they come without a warning, and stay too long" S.D.--cold feelings |
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| The whole world laughs... |
[May. 2nd, 2005|11:46 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | wow look at that cats face. | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Jack Johnson- Never Know | ] |
at me. |
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rinkydinkydink's journal